When She Chose
by theprancingponyandhippogriff
Summary: After a serious accident, Lily is left with the decision of Snape or James.


"Go on Lily just jump!" James yelled from the shore. Lily looked back at them holding her body close in the freezing night. She wasn't sure why she had actually decided to do this- it was stupid- ridiculous- fun. That and the fact that James had pretty much forced her to do it. He would tackle her every time she left class, or made any public appearance at all. He even attempted to climb into her dormitory, but the stairs only gave way into a slide and accompanied him back to the common room. "Just jump!" he yelled, as Sirius gave a jeer.

"This is crazy!" she yelled back, looking down into the deep green water. She wondered if it was warmer inside then out. Maybe the giant squid had been kind enough to warm the lake with his urine.

"Come on Lily! It's only 5 meters!" Sirius yelled.

"Liar!" she screamed, the wind carrying her voice back to them. Peter was even there, laughing at everything the others said. Remus was beside them, lighting a small fire and holding his hands over it, trying not to think about how what they were doing wrong. Lily knew he hated being the spoil sport.

"Oh Lily- get over yourself and just bloody jump!" Katy shouted, and Lily started jumping up and down with a strange hop.

"Fine- FINE- just give me a minute to collect my thoughts!" she yelled, standing on the pier while the others stood on the pebbly shore.

"You've been collecting your thoughts for nearly 10 minutes now- believe me it will be warmer in then out!" James yelled. She looked back at him- his black hair blowing in the wind. Even if she attacked him with a wand, nothing would ever change how messy it would look, but she liked it. She didn't love it though, contrary to popular belief.

"Oh alright! Count me down!" she yelled. They'd already done this 5 times, trying to get her to jump and it never worked, but this time she would do it. She would jump off the pier and into the icy waters below her.

"10, 9, 8" it's only 10 metres "7,6,5" maybe I won't, "4,3" No- you will, "2" Shit how are we at 2 already "1" Oh merlin Lily Evans just jump, she thought and she leapt. It was as if everything slowed down. She heard everybody gasp, even as they stood 20 metres away from her. She felt her stomach twist and flip, before she felt everything go wrong. Her foot slipped, and she felt her body changer direction, slowly letting her head fall on the ledge of the pier. So much attention gone to the jump, and none to the fall. Everything went black.

She woke up, but she didn't. When she opened her eyes she saw the familiar image of the hospital wing, only when she turned to see her surroundings, she left her body behind. Lily gasped, putting a hand to her mouth trying not to scream, even though she knew no one would hear her if she did. Was she dead? The thought crossed through her mind over and over again. She was a ghost, wasn't she. That would be the only way to describe it. She looked at her body, frail and lonely, lying on a small bed. She reached for her wand which lay on her bedside table, but when she touched it, her hand went right through. The wand was not alone, accompanied by what seemed like 100 get well cards. Just the sight of them made everything overwhelming. She sat on the edge of her bed for what seemed like ages. It had to be at least 3 hours at least? The clock corrected her however. Every time she looked at it, less than a minute had passed.

She spent time looking at her body. What could she do and what not. She found she could not pick up objects, but she could touch herself. Every time she thought about what had happened she would dissolve into ghost-tears. How had this happened? She remembered jumping, but not falling. The only reasonable explanation would be that something when wrong in the waters. Had she drowned? How could a life end because of little oxygen? She was head girl. Lily Evans, smartest in her year level, and yet now she wasn't the smartest of anything- she was just there.

Seconds eventually turned to minutes and minutes eventually to hours. It must have been early morning by the time it finally happened. There was a banging on the door. There was muffled shouting from outside, and her heart began to pound. The door eventually banged open, or the person outside figured that turning the key would be a good idea. James stumbled in after the door gave way, and Lily caught her breath. He didn't see her- he saw through her. Madame Pomfrey had finally come out of her office, but instead of shouting at James for being up at such a late hour (or early depending how you looked at it) she just let him come. He ran to Lily's bed, faster then she thought possible. She watched in horror as he sat down beside her body, but not her.

"Is she alive?" he asked, and she could hear his voice was on the verge of tears. James Potter, the school clown about to cry.

"Just- I'm afraid she isn't doing well. Usually by this time the patient would have woken." What does she mean- I've only been here for a few hours… Lily thought. "There are only so many potions that will keep her alive." Madame Pomfrey said, and after a minute of silence, she walked back to her room. It was when she was out of sight that he started to speak. She felt as though she was in a haunted scene, but every time she felt like she was watching it she had to remind herself that she was living it.

"I-" he started, but stopped himself. She noticed a tear beginning to slide down his cheek. "I-"he swallowed. There had been so much romantic tension between them up until this point, people teasing them and laughing at them, she had forgotten who he was in the midst of it all. "I'm so sorry..." he said, before picking up her delicate hands and burying himself in her bed covers. She heard muffled sobs, coming through, and that's when Katy ran through. Ghost Lily looked at the entrance, and watched her best friend dissolve into tears, catching her breath. She took a deep breath before making her way towards the bed, trying her best to be calm and collected it.

"Oh James…" she said, and at any other time Lily might have been jealous, but not today. She watched as Katy sat beside James, placing an arm over his shoulder and letting him turn to her, crying into her body as if it were a wet rag. She watched over Lily's body, waiting for a sign of movement, or anything to know that she was still there. "You have to stop thinking that this was your fault- it's been a week." She said, and Lily gasped, while no one heard her. She had been in this state for an entire week and only now had she woken.

"Of course it's my fault. I bloody pushed her to do it." He said, beginning to smile through his tears. He must have been remembering how he had followed her around, because she was doing the same. Katy sighed and they sat there in silence for a minute. It wasn't until an hour later that the only other person Lily was waiting for came in. Severus hadn't changed much, and they hadn't spoken ever since he had called her- it didn't matter. There was an unspoken alliance between them, especially seeing as anything else seemed foreign. James looked back at Severus taking a breath and waiting for it to start. Every time either of them was in a room, there was always constant fighting and over time, as much as she tried to stop it, Lily had grown used to it. It was strange though, in the last few weeks before the accident it was as though Snape was gaining power, and James was losing the will to fight. She wasn't sure what she felt about it- could it mean that he was finally changing and becoming a better person, or did it mean that he had just lost interest in her.

"You bastard." Severus said, and Lily put a hand to her mouth as James got up, looking as though he had already lost the fight. Snape punched him, with no hesitation, and James didn't move- he stood there and took it without question.

"No!" Katy yelled, and Lily did also, but the boys only heard one voice. Snape was still violently hitting James, and it took Katy a moment to cast a protecting charm, by which time James was on the floor, being kicked in the chest by Snape. "You're beating up someone in front of your unconscious friend! Can you not see how wrong this is?" Katy said and James stumbled up. Snape flared.

"He's right- I should leave." James said, grabbing his wand and taking one last look at Lily before leaving. Snape stepped aside Katy and sat next to Lily's body, taking her hand and holding it, just five minutes ago being held by James. Snape looked furious, before letting out what sounded like a small, triumphant, laugh.

"There was really no need for that- it's not what lily would have wanted-" Katy started, but Snapes was quick to interrupt, not making eye contact with her.

"I'm sure she didn't' want' to be thrown of a bridge either, but those idiots thought it seemed like a great idea. So this is where we stand now." The room went silent. Katy was shocked into silence, and instead pulled up a chair opposite to Severus.

"So that's it then.' He said, after 10 minutes of silence. Katy looked up. "After all this fighting, I'm the one that's left. I win." He says, smiling. Katy felt a something tingle in her spine- an ice cold fury which took all her energy to control. She looked at her best friend with tears in her eyes, then back at the greasy haired, hooked nose Snape with nothing but spite in her voice.

"Yes, you won. Tell me, how does victory feel." She spat, kissing Lily gently on the forehead before leaving. Lily watched her go. She felt as though something had changed inside her- like something had clicked and finally helped her see the light. In fact the light was so bright she had to close her eyes, and when she opened them it was no longer morning, rather late at night. Instead of looking at her body from afar however, she opened her eyes in the body of Lily once again, squinting down at the familiar brown hair of her best friend.

"Mmggh" she moaned, a pain she hadn't noticed before hitting her head. Katy looked up, and her face broke into a smile, tears filling her eyes.

"Oh thank merlin Lil', we thought we'd lost you." Lily smiled, and Katy beamed, stroking her hair before deciding to fetch Madame Pomfrey. Three hours later, the entire school seemed aware of their head girl's wellbeing. Within this space of time, she received three visitors. Katy, Sirius and Snape. Lily had always admired Sirius, as much as she hated to admit it. While she was the symbol of hard work and time management, he was the symbol of no work and fun. As was James, only Sirius seemed to have more of an intense energy. While he pretended to be happy and lose all the time, she always had a feeling that there was something underneath his brown eyes. It was one of the things that had started to attract her to James, the way e was so fiercely protective of him, even when he hid it by jokes and sarcasm.

"How are you feeling?" he asked her, and she smiled.

"Aside from constant stabbing in my head and my chest aching, I'm actually not that bad." She said, and he smiled, looking down at his hands.

"So- have you seen James around at all?" she asked, trying to keep her expression blank. She didn't need Sirius knowing she felt, especially when she didn't know how she felt.

"He…" Sirius started, and Lily tried to encourage him to continue. "He thinks it's all his fault- what happened. And he's partially right you know; only he refuses to let any of the blame fall on me. And it's not like that prick of a man Severus is helping-"he said and looked up at Lily, as if suddenly realising something. "I'm sorry- I forget you and Snape are friends sometimes." Lily raised her eyebrows, sending a stab at the back of his head.

"Don't worry about Snape. He'll get over it. Besides it was neither of your faults. You can blame the peer and its icy edge for my fall." She said, and he nodded.

"Actually James is out there now. He tends to go there whenever he needs to 'find himself' which now tends to be three times a day." Sirius said, and Lily laughed.

"Maybe you should go keep an eye on him- make sure he doesn't slip." Lily said, and Sirius laughed.

"With his co-ordination I'm sure he's already at the bottom of the lake." He said, fiddling with his thumbs.

"Well then shouldn't you be rescuing him then?" Severus asked, standing in the doorway. His hair was extra greasy today Sirius though.

"Snape, come join us." Sirius smiled through clenched teeth.

"May I have a minute alone with Lily or are you two already attatched at the hip, seeing as James is probably dead at the bottom of the lake right now." Snape said, and Lily took a deep breath. Sirius gave one last look at Lily before standing up and walking off. Severus was quick to replace his place beside Lily's bed.

"How are you feeling? Better, or did Sirius wring you out like usual?" he asked, leaning forward and reaching for her hand. She flinched and pulled away, to a confused snape. "What?" he asked, and she took a breath.

"May I ask you something?" she said blankly and Severus raised his chin, unsure of where she was directing the conversation.

"Of course." He said proudly, as if nothing could break the solid brick wall around him.

"Why do you hate James Potter? I don't want to hear about how you think he is a proud good-for-nothing know it all. Why do you honestly hate him?" she asked, and Seveus scoffed. He had been asked this question so many times, but when she looked into his eyes, he knew he wouldn't get out of this one.

"Because" he said after a moment of thought "Because from the moment he met us, he tried to take you away from me. He wanted you to be his and not mine." He said, his voice darkening. Lily nodded her head, before see looked out the window, as though pondering her next words.

"I see. Well then can I ask you what you see me as. Not what you see in me, but what I am to you." Lily said.

"What do you mean- I mean, you're a girl." He said, placing his feet on her bed laughing, as she went along with it.

"Right, well then that settles it." She said. "I'm a girl!" she laughed, tears suddenly spilling from her eyes. Snape looked up frowning.

"What- what's wrong." He said non-chalent.

"What's _Wrong_? How could you even ask that? For the past 6 years you have made my life _hell_ Severus. You've made me live walking a tight rope between the two of you boys and you kept pushing and pushing so hard that I fell!"

"It's just as much his fault as it is mine-" Snape started, rushing to his own defence, but lily held a hand up to stop him.

"Don't you dare blame him for one more thing- This entire time at this bloody school I've been convinced that I would have to choose one of you eventually, but finally t's clear. Your bloody choosing him!" she said, and Snape frowned, a puzzled look on his face.

"What do you mean I'm choosing him. Why on earth-"

"Because you bloody idiot- I was never enough for you and I will never be! The thing you came here for was not me- it was a bloody game! It was a game out of who the two of you could win me over faster, and it's twisted. This whole time I've been thinking that I played some part of it but I don't- I'm just a trophy to you!" she busted, yelling. Her head was really throbbing now, in a way she hadn't anticipated when she started yelling at her best friend. He started to talk but she simply rested her head against her pillow holding a hand to her forehead.

"Doesn't talk- please for the love of merlin get out." She said, but Snape didn't move a muscle.

"Surely Lily you aren't thinking of choosing him." He said, saying it as though James was vermin which in his dictionary, he probably was.

"Yes, I am choosing him, because in case you hadn't noticed, he loves me and gave up the game. He's gone in retirement and he may have even given up on us, but lucky for him I haven't." she said quietly and the room fell silent. Severus looked distraught.

"Oh come on Severus. You know it never would have worked between us. After all, I'm just a mud blood." She said, and Snape looked up.

"You're not a mudblood- you never will be." He said.

"Oh Severus, can't you see, I already _am_."

It took three weeks for her to recover fully, but eventually Lily was thrown back into the hectic life of being a Hogwarts 7th year. She was more comfortable learning then she had been recovering in a hospital bed, meaning she felt at home from day one. Her day was constantly accompanied by 'glad you're better' and 'how are you feelings' from students she was familiar with, though she was sure she'd never seen them before. Katy formed a protective barrier around Lily wherever she went, as if she was worried she would mysteriously drop down and die. She was starting to be a bit clingy, but Lily didn't mind. In fact it reminded her that Katy was normal, despite her cool exterior. They were sitting in the great hall one day, after exams were finished and tried to soak the feeling of not studying. It felt alien to her- as if someone had chopped of her limb. The hall was buzzing with end of year gossip, and the most talked about thing was the disappearance of James Potter. No one had seen him in the past week, aside from occasional meal times. They were the only reassurances that he hadn't dropped off the planet.

"How about that question 34- the one with the troll and goblin decree of 1876?" Katy spoke to Sirius and he started nodding. They both looked at Lily, a look of worry in their eyes. "Did you understand that?" Katy said to Lily, who was too busy staring intently across the room at nothing in particular. "Lil!" Katy said, snapping her fingers in front of her best friends face. Lily woke out of her trance and smiled uncomfortably at them.

"Sorry- Sirius do you have any idea where James is?" Lily asked, and both Remus and Sirius gave each other a look of distain.

"Yeah- he's down at the lake. He goes there to think." Remus said, and Lily nodded, before grabbing her bag and hoping out of the bench top.

"I'm just going for a walk." Lily said, departing from her slightly worried friends. Katy stood up to and Lily turned. "Katy- I'll be fine, trust me." She said, and watched as Katy sat back down slowly and hesitantly. Somewhere along her walk she broke into a run, trying to get there as fast as possible. She was practically sprinting by the time she got there, and had to come to an abrupt halt when she saw him. He sat on the edge of the peer, looking out over the lake. Lily took a breath and stepped forward onto the peer. No wonder she fell- it was as shaky as an old lady walking.

"Hi." She said timidly after failing to come up with something clever or funny. The wind brushed through her, blocking her vision. James looked back at her with an unreadable expression as he looked back over the lake. Lilly sat beside him, her legs swinging underneath her purely from habit. "You probably shouldn't sit here- I hear It's dangerous." She said, hoping to get a laugh out of him, but he just shrugged.

"You really shouldn't be here." James said after a minute, and Lily looked down partially embarrassed. Maybe this was what he really wanted. "Snape might have a heart attack." He said blankly, and she nodded taking his comment more seriously than a joke.

"About that-"she hesitated "- Snape's gone." She said, and he looked at her, finally some vague expression of shock across his face.

"But you two are mates- I thought nothing would ever break you two apart. As much as I tried." He said, and Lily smiled despite the entire situation. She nudged his shoulder with hers and he did the same, smiling quietly to himself. There was a moment's silence.

"Can I ask you something." He asked, and she smiled.

"You sort of just did. It defeats the purpose." He laughed.

"I-" he thought for a moment "aren't you angry with me? This entire thing has been my fault and it was all so that I could get closer to you which is stupid because-" she kissed him. So much time had led to this moment, and Lily smiled as her lips pressed against his. After a moment he pulled away, partially because he was out of breath.

"You shouldn't have done that." He said, failing to hide the slight excitement in his voice.

"And why not" James took a breath beginning to speak- "wait, I just remembered, I don't care." She said, and he laughed. They kissed again, this time turning their bodies towards each other. James held her head in his hands, gently opening her mouth with his, while she wrapped her arms around him, smiling.

"You should know-" he said as he kissed her "I love you." He said, and she smiled even brighter, pulling away.

"You never stop James Potter- do you." She said, and he laughed.

"Do you have a problem with that?" he asked, and she shook her head.

"Not even a little bit." She smiled, and leant her head on his shoulder. She could stay there if she wanted, just sitting and watching the sunset with him, for the rest of her life.


End file.
